Long long ago I remember seeing an episode of Oprah where she ran a marathon. She wasn't Fat Oprah at that point, and she wasn't Skinny Oprah, she was my favorite version of Oprah - Strong Oprah. Fat Oprah seemed to do shows about the emotional problems of being fat or why we eat. Skinny Oprah did shows about extremely alarming ways to eat in a disordered way. But Strong Oprah worked out and ate mostly healthy but still ate carbs and had a rack and a big round ass. Strong Oprah kicked all sorts of ass.
That episode was the first time I ever saw a person of size running. At least running for sport and not for a humiliating drudge to lose weight. She was strong. She was kicking all sorts of ass. That episode aired while I was in high school and I wouldn't start running another 16-17 years but it put the idea in my head that you didn't have to be super thin to run.
Later a friend pressured me into doing a 5K and I was frightened. Frightened of that terrible tight feeling in my chest that I remember from running in junior high (pro tip: you should not hold your breath while running you heard it here first) and scared to be last. And scared to be the fat runner.
I am not actually fat. I am a very nice respectable size 12-14. With a boobs and big German thighs and an ass. I don't have a thigh gap. I don't have six pack abs. And I was certain that I would be the only one at the 5K not wearing those little race briefs like they do at the Olympics. And that everyone would laugh at me.
Turns out the biggest gift of the road race is that you pretty much will never be the slowest, fattest or oldest one there. And that you can't look at someone and know how fast (or slow) they are. I have passed fit looking guys in races and been completely smoked by old ladies. It is incredibly liberating to realize that anyone can run. I've run in countless races in the last few years and despite being the slowest person I know by FAR I have never come even close to finishing last. And I have seen what happens when the last person finishes. Everyone cheers that person on and treats them with respect. Perhaps somewhere at some time someone has been an asshole to a back of the pack runner but I've never seen it. I still get a tiny little high when I cross a finish line - like I am mentally flipping off my junior high gym teacher (the one that could have told me to FUCKING BREATHE WHILE RUNNING maybe jocks know how to do that but I didn't).
Anyway I imagine that I run like Oprah did during that episode - she looked so strong - and once she hit the exhaustion point her form fell to shit and she flailed around a bit and lost her mind. I probably don't look strong and powerful at all but like a big sweaty flailing mess. The important thing is that I feel like Strong Oprah. And that I keep doing it.
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